Have a ball and some rejected marketing slogans.

I'm going to SES in NY next week, so I'll be heading out on Sunday. Anyone that sees me there, mention this post and I've got toys for the first 100 that ask. Stress Balls with a catchy slogan on them.

TOOLBARN.com
Don't stress, we have the tools to fix it.

This reminds me of some other (rejected) marketing slogans we've tossed around here. Ok, so they haven't all been tossed around while printed on a stress ball, but you get the idea. Most of these were mentioned as a joke at one point or another, but then got some thought before being rejected.

If you want "Tickle me Elmo", you know where to go.
If you're serious about Power Tools, come to the barn.

There are three things that were rejected about this one. First, the search traffic could have been wrong. Second, we're referencing that giant among e-commerce giants, which probably wouldn't have been the brightest move. Finally, we didn't even have our full site name in there.

Tired of wading through the Jungle?
Get serious about power tools at ToolBarn.com.

This is obviously aimed at the same people as the last one, which is also why it was rejected.

You borrowed it, you broke it, now what?
Tool Parts Direct.com

This one hasn't actually been rejected, but the general feeling is that this type of campaign is going to cost too much for brand recognition without any direct sales benefit. When we're a bit bigger, we may revisit this one.

Don't let your tools die at the hospital.
Fast service at Tool Parts Direct.com.

This is one that didn't ever catch on because it's targeting a chain of service shops known for being slow in fixing tools. Of course, ordering online isn't the fastest way to do things either. Comparing apples to oranges wasn't going to hit our target market.

In the end, we have done very little to advertise this site through conventional media. Most of our efforts have been in the online side of things, but we're starting to look at expanding into print, radio, racing and TV. It'll be interesting to see what works and what doesn't. It'll also be interesting to see how much this costs. It could be painful to the pocket book.

Insane bandwidth

Yesterday, as we were meeting with our local Sun VAR, he mentioned that some data pipes had been run into their area. He wasn't talking the normal data pipes that we hear about every day. No, not just a T-1. Not a DS-3. Not an OC-3 at 155Mbps. No, he was talking INSANE bandwidth.

Definition of Insane
My usual definition of insane is doing the same action over and over expecting different results. But that doesn't apply here. Perhaps X-Treme would fit better. This is like the X-Games of bandwidth. He was talking about OC-192's, which are 10Gbps each. But he wasn't talking about 1. Nor was he talking about 2. He was talking about 50. Yes, that makes 500Gbps. What could possibly require that type of bandwidth? Better yet, how can I attach a server at the end of those cable runs?

Just how big is this?
I'll leave you with a visualization of just how big of a data pipe I feel this is. I doubt it actually occupies all that much space physically, but in our virtual world size takes on new meanings which must be transposed into the physical world to fully comprehend. If a telephone line represents 56k, then my impression of this is as below.


Of course, I may be underestimating. I don't feel like doing the math to calculate the actual sizes involved.

I'm presenting at 3 sessions in NYC

I'll be speaking at 3 sessions in the upcoming SES show. I spoke for the first time 1 year ago in NYC at the Shopping Search Tactics session. In San Jose later that year, I repeated at the Shopping Search Tactics and also did the Vertical Creep session. In Chicago, it was the 3rd round of Shopping Search along with a Search Ad Buyer's Forum.

Coming up this time in New York? Well, I'll be busier, and I'll miss a few that looked fun.

1) Shopping Search Tactics (4th time)

2) Search Ad Buyer's Forum (2nd time)

3) Retailer SEM Tactics (New session)

So, what will I be missing?

The Search Ad Buyer's Forum is up against a few good ones. Eric Ward is someone I always enjoy hearing in the Link Building Basics. Since I've seen that one already several times, I'm not going to worry about missing that.

Practical Copyright & Trademark Guidance for Webmasters and SEMs
Your competitor is bidding on your trademarked name. Some splogger is profiting off of your copyrighted work via RSS ("really simple stealing"). And now image search has enabled the proverbial "kid in his basement" to rip off your high-end web designs. What's a law abiding netizen to do? Come find out from our panel of experts in this highly interactive session.

Well, that sounds like it could have been fun. I don't remember seeing that session before.We have this issue come up every now and then, so it would have been nice to hear someone else's opinion of how to handle it.

Blog & Feed Search SEO
This session explores how specialized blog and feed (RSS/Atom) search engines gather content and provides tips on tapping into these growing forms of traffic.

Well, I don't know what these blogs are or how you attract people with them. Oh, wiat, I seem to have someone reading it right now (you), and my "Other" blog sees quite a few visitors each day. Still, I'm sure there's more I could be doing.

There is also a session on Duplicate Content, but I've heard that addressed several times already. E. Garcia had some interesting comments on that some time back that really seemed to help out our product pages.

The Retailer SEM Tactics session has Linkbuilding Strategies up against it. I guess I'll be missing Boser and Ward in that one. Those two always make that session for me. Of course, that means I've seen it already. Ad Agencies and Search doesn't exactly interest me either. Big Site / Big Brand SEM is decent, but I've seen that as well. That leaves the one I've been interested in a few times before and have always missed.

My SEM Toolbox
Several search marketers share a variety of tools and services they find useful in performing SEO and SEM.

I know Ken and Todd on that panel, and Bruce Clay is one of the bigger names in SEO. Add in to that bhartzer, I mean Bill Hartzer, who I know from WebProWorld and that's a session I would have liked to see. I guess I'll wait and see what the schedule is like in San Jose.

Now, for Shopping Search Tactics, I have a little less grief about missing the sessions. Search Engine Q&A on Links isn't too insightful as their lips are usually bound and gagged so no secrets get revealed. Branding and Search doesn't ever interest me much, but it was a decent session when I saw it last. The In House Forum has some interesting names on it, but they're dissimilar enough from our business that their answers probably woudn't sway me in any direction.

The only one I'll be somewhat disappointed about missing is Pimp My Site. Todd always looks funny in the purple pimp hat. Dax gets the style down a bit, adding in slang and such to make it very entertaining. Jennifer, Heather and Elizabeth also get into character well. I'm not exactly sure who Ronee is, but it looks like that may be someone who got a site pimped. Somewhat interesting stuff this confetti that's being pimped. ;-)

I'm very excited about this conference. There are a ton of good sessions, even if I can't see them all. I'll still get lots of good out of it, have some great networking opportunities, and (most importantly) have some time away from my normal routine. Thinking about server upgrades all day has me burnt out a bit. Time to get some content creation and SEO ideas again.

What a warped sense of humor

I've been following the v7ndotcom stupidity - I mean SEO contest - just a bit. Every now and then I see a link to the search results. I just came across one of the best ads yet based upon those keywords.

Sergey Says
Eat my
V7ndotcom Elursrebmem!
www.isthisyourcat.com

Obviously poking fun with the name of one of Google's founders, but it sure made me laugh. Very simple and to the point, which took someone with a warped sense of humor to start in the first place. Kudos.