MySQL Platinum Support being used
Much to my (dis)pleasure, I get to use the platinum support that we paid a bunch for. I called them and had an engineer on the phone within 15 - 20 minutes (they answered right away and had him call me back, which was awesome.)
The little bit of hair I have left is getting pulled out by the minute, though. It's really not simple troubleshooting a crashed pair of servers, as we've already been working on this for 4-1/2 hours. I'm waiting for the engineer to contact me once again, so I thought I'd post something quick.
This was, however, a great opportunity to upgrade to the latest version of MySQL enterprise.
Oh, the joys of doing business online.